It’s been a while, so here’s a life update. Continue to follow along on Instagram @errikadenise and Twitter @errikadenise55.
“But love at any cost is a bargain.”
Does this line make you feel whole or hollow?
One of my favorite musicians, Johnnyswim, sings this line in the song Summertime Romance and coats it in butter and loveliness. It feels warm, like the season we are in currently in California. When I think of Johnnyswim, I think of two lovers on a mission to share their love with their audience. I feel like I reach a place of vulnerability with their music.
So, it makes me feel whole. And who doesn’t want to feel whole? Living with purpose and enjoying the life you have been blessed with.
When I talk about vulnerability, I think about a place you enter that’s dangerous, that you venture out to despite the fear of the unknown because you know the rewards outweigh the risks. Like love. Love requires vulnerability.
I have entered a vulnerable time as a young adult. I just graduated with my bachelor’s degree in media, communications and journalism with an emphasis in public relations from Fresno State. I am wrapping up my job as the student coordinator of my alma mater’s orientation program. I am moving out of my house of 20 years and into an intentional biblical community in downtown Fresno for 10 months.
Many new things, good things. Potentially great things.
But I never anticipated that it would include a new relationship.
I feel vulnerable when I’m around my partner. It was intimidating because his personality is out there. He’s the kind of guy who’s not afraid to talk to new people or call a girl pretty. His friendly demeanor draws you in, and he is a guy’s kind of guy with lots of friends who he eats and drinks with and calls his brothers. He gets along with my parents and my brother. He has a smile that orthodontists try to emulate in their patients. Ok, that wasn’t romantic at all, but it’s 100% true. He’s comfortable in his own skin, or at least hides his insecurities very well.
It felt too good to be true. It was strange how we comfortable we were talking to each other on our first “date” to Sonic. But I was wrong. It has been genuine. Recently, he told me he was thinking about looking past this summer into the future. I’ll admit, I am very good at being present and taking things as they come. I am not very good at articulating my 5 to 10 year plan. To be honest, looking ahead scares me.
Yet, I feel whole as I look towards each day with anticipation, knowing there is someone else I can and want to talk to about my day, share a funny Facebook article with, or go to In N Out with. It is exciting to be able to go through this transition period as a college grad who never really considered a relationship while pursuing my bachelor’s. I was only focused on myself, and what I could do to keep myself safe.
I knew I was ready to pursue something different when I finally turned down the advances of someone who wasn’t wholehearted, who wasn’t genuine and who wasn’t thinking of where we would be down the road. It was a turning point that allowed me to listen a little closer to the things going on around me, and to love a little harder.
Now, I am a part of a relationship unfolding over the long days of summer. When emotions are high and the temperatures are even higher.
A journey of vulnerability.
A summertime romance.